My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There's always time for handjobs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize