Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
