It's Friday. Sex?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
