Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
