He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
