He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
