I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
