It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
