I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
