shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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