I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
