how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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