OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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