I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
