Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
