wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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