The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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