In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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