Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
