I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
