My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
