No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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