I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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