I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
