I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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