but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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