I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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