So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
