Dual....:-)
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She told me I should be a condom model.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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