He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
