Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize