last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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