Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Vodka?
Forever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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