My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
