i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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