I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dick has a subreddit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
