i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
