weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
