What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
