All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
