Only a mothe r could love this liver
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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