I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
