I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
