my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
