he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So vagazzling was a success
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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