it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
