Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
