It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
