It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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