I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
