hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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