I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
