At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
