We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
