My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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