Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
