i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
