She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
