We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
