She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
