And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
