I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
