Having a random hookup so left but love u
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
