I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
