Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
