meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
