I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
