i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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