That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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