I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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