haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize