haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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